3 Approaches for Stating Expectations Clearly and Respectfully
1. “After (when) you do what I want you to do then you can do what you want to do.” This formula follows the “work before play” philosophy.
Practice
“After (when) you __________________________________ then you can ______________________________________
“After (when) you __________________________________ then you can ______________________________________
2. 7 Steps for Setting Time Limits with Respect and Authority
Step 1: Get eye contact – Crucial – Don’t be ignored.
Step 2: State the limit clearly
Step 3: Get acknowledgement from the child that you were heard.
Step 4: Get agreement from the child.
Step 5: Give a 10 minute warning to help your child prepare for stopping the activity.
Step 6: Enforce the limit.
Step 7: Thank your child for cooperating
3. Proactively expressing needs. This is effective if the relationship is emotionally connected, mutually respectful and focuses on meeting each other’s needs.
Dad talks to his daughter the night before in a loving and respectful tone. “Beth, it’s important that we leave on time in the morning so I’m not late to work. Can you get ready on time for me? Let me know if you need any help with this.”
Beth responds, “Yes dad. I can get ready on time.”
NOTE: Dad is not being critical, shaming or bringing up her past failures. He is pointing out how he needs her help in order for him to arrive to work on time. Children like to feel valued and important and contribute to the well-being of others.
©2013 Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com or call 650. 341.0779.
