Sunday I had a wonderful conversation with my 34-year-old daughter about childrearing because it’s a topic her friends with children discuss. She was expressing concern about a popular style that she felt was too lax when it came to setting expectations and saying “No” to kids.
I chuckled when I reminded her that I would use the After-Then approach to make sure she did her chores. She remembered how she had to do what she didn’t want to do when I used this Director Role strategy. There was a combination in her voice of the irritation she felt as a teen plus the acknowledgment of how this approach was respectful and important to do with her.
Around 17 years ago, I used to teach 6-week parenting courses that covered the essential three parenting roles. Then, parents had the time to attend and learn in-depth effective solutions. It was great fun and always created positive change in their families that I know continued for years.
More recently, parents felt they could only commit to one or two nights to come together in a small group and discuss ideas and find solutions. Even when I spoke to over 650 groups of parents, I made sure there were small group discussions so each parent could process the ideas aloud and leave with the next action step. They always left inspired because they knew change could happen. I was inspired, too.
And then Covid hit…….No more gatherings….No more personal connections and exchanges. The Zoom camera was mostly off, the children were nearby, parents rarely shared their struggles, and I knew I couldn’t put them into breakout rooms. (I tried once and parents left.) The safety of meeting and supporting each other was gone.
I have to admit I’m a bit concerned. Because parents are so busy, they are looking too often for a quick-fix solution to a complicated parent-child relationship problem. They end up hearing me or others talk for a short period of time and then try to figure out how they can apply the advice to their specific problem. You are inside the problem trying to figure out how to get out of the problem with blinders on. You need a guide.
Going back to the After-Then strategy I used with Jen, in order to say it in a loving way, I also had to know how to have discussions when called for, and listen empathetically and with support when that was appropriate. I had to know when to be a Director, Collaborator, or Supporter.
These three roles are unique to my parenting approach. They are like the three legs of a stool that need each to carry an equal load in creating a happy family. I am proud of how much clearer parents understand how to think and act when they have learned how to give directions, collaborate, and support in a respectful and clear way.
So……I’m thinking, how can I bring my teaching skills to you while you are at home? How can I bring you even more than what I taught in my earlier 6-week programs?
And then I knew. It is time for me to create a self-paced video-based program that you can do at home.
Voila!! Announcing to you the Win, Win, Win Parenting Program! Click here to learn all the details!
Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.
Check out my bonus parenting classes on getting kids to listen, be respectful, cooperate, and share their struggles plus more. CLICK HERE.
Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much need changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.