MaryEllen Learns How to Respond to Her Anxious Son So He gets Calm and Can think Better
MaryEllen’s story in her own words:
I Can Now Reduce My Son’s Outbursts – age 10
My husband and I are working with Cynthia and I learned that I was a part of my 10 year-old son’s outbursts. So, rather than trying to change him, which I would do through arguing and yelling which never worked, I’m working on changing myself instead.
My son gets upset with projects at school, he’s afraid of failure and therefore procrastinates doing the work which just makes it worse. This makes me crazy and so I would give him advice on how to do his work, He didn’t like this which often led me to yelling at him. Then he would yell “Leave me alone.”
Understanding the Emotional Brain
It’s not easy to make changes. I started by learning about how the emotional brain, the limbic system, is connected to the logical brain, the prefrontal cortex. When he is upset he can’t think straight so trying to use logic and tell him what to do just shut him down. I knew my giving advice and yelling wasn’t working yet I didn’t know what else to do. I found out from Cynthia that I was doing communication blocks.
The Power of Listening Over Lecturing
I also had this need to keep talking to him, to get him to change. So now I’m working on not feeling like I have to say something to fix him when he’s upset. Instead, I’m controlling my shouting a lot, and instead I’m just listening. The other day I caught myself getting upset, feeling like I had to get the last word in. I stopped and just listened. He had already said, “Leave me alone” but he quickly came back saying, “Don’t leave me alone.”
The upset duration was reduced dramatically. We’re even experiencing less upsets because now I understand that I need to listen to him like he’s a pressure cooker with a release valve. Once he is calm, then we can have a problem solving discussion together, not during.
Becoming the Parent He Needs
What Cynthia has taught us about emotions and the brain makes so much sense that I know her strategies will get us much better results than what we were doing. I can control myself first and be the model of emotional maturity that my son needs. Thank you, Cynthia
You, too, can learn about how to respond with words that release stress and brings you closer to your children and teens.
Contact Cynthia to learn more about pathways to better communication. Check out her website for any bonus classes coming up. https://bridges2understanding.com/classes/
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About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
