To answer this question, I divide chores into two categories. The first category are the basic daily/weekly chores that must get done for the family to function. These include picking up toys, cleaning the bedroom, feeding the animals, setting and clearing the table, doing the dishes, sweeping and vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, doing and folding…
I just met with a client who said his weekend didn’t go as well with his kids as it usually does. As he discussed what was going on in his life, it became apparent to both of us that he was under a lot of stress. This stress made him more irritable and impatient. He…
We need to remember that children are just that; they have an immature prefrontal cortex. They have a developing logical brain that won’t be mostly developed until age 25 by current research standards. The prefrontal cortex is the executive functioning brain that monitors reasoning, judgment, logic , paying attention, planning and impulse control.Therefore, we cannot…
Click here for part 1 Click here for part 2 Mom is Part of a Vicious Arguing Cycle A mom shared with me how her daughter argues about everything and it drives her nuts. It could be about taking a shower, brushing her teeth, or doing her homework. It turns out that the mom had…
Click here for part 1. Part 2 3 Key Elements to Lead to Appropriate Negotiating 1. Ask yourself who has ownership of making the final decision. The solution can be decided by the adults, the children, or the parents and children together. Discussion and negotiation can occur when the child has full or partial ownership…
Children’s Arguing is a Good Sign “Why do you have to argue about everything I ask you to do? Why can’t you just cooperate nicely for once? You make everything so difficult.” If your child has turned into a member of the debate team, then you are experiencing their prefrontal cortex, the logical brain, at…
Have you ever thought about what type of “dance” you are doing with each of your children? Some parent-child interactions look like a beautiful waltz and some like a frantic jitterbug. The parent-teen dance can even turn into an adversarial passé double or perhaps no dance at all. I have always felt like I was…
YOUNG CHILDREN September 2001 Five Reasons to Stop Saying “Good Job!” By Alfie Kohn NOTE: An abridged version of this article was published in Parents magazine in May 2000 with the title “Hooked on Praise.” For a more detailed look at the issues discussed here — as well as a comprehensive list of citations to relevant research…
Most parents have a difficult time hearing the “boredom complaint.” Parents think to themselves, “How could my kid be bored?” and off they go with numerous remarks that are not helpful and instead feel hurtful. This is a normal response, we always seek to solve problems, especially when it comes to our kids. “What do…
Below is a framework by which you can begin your own assessment of the self-esteem within your family (and steps that can then be taken to reflect on/improve in areas that may have fallen behind). Only if children’s basic emotional needs are filled, can they learn to like and value themselves. For this reason, understanding…
Terms of Use: The articles in my blog are a matter of my opinion and perspective, offered to help stimulate parents' thinking about their child raising and common concerns, conflicts, and changes that typically occur. They are meant to be educational only. Because they are general in nature, they should NOT be used as a substitute for getting qualified professional psychological, medical, or legal help should serious need arise. The resources I recommend are mostly consistent with my parenting approach. Use them at your own discretion as you would my articles. The parents’ success stories are particular to their family situation. This does not mean that you would get the same results. They are to be used for inspiration that by you changing first, you have the greatest chance of creating a positive change in your family.