I always think of parenting as an opportunity for personal growth. We are confronted with big emotional triggers from our own childhood that can come up during conflicts with our kids. We have expectations about how we should be treated and that is often not the case. While we are grappling with our own…
Feeling criticized and judged is often a big trigger that causes kids’ emotional outbursts. When talking with parents about their children’s outbursts, reluctance to cooperate, and outright negativity, I find that parents are unaware of how they have contributed to their child’s reactions. An important Independent Living Skill in the emotional maturity category is…
Emotions are essential to understand because we are basically emotional beings. We enter the world with only our limbic system developed. This is the part of the brain where we have “gut” reactions, access safety, and emotions, pick up on non-verbal cues and store our long-term memory. It isn’t until around age 2 that we…
Did you take the quick Limit Setting Skill Level Quiz last week? If not, I encourage you to do it now. It will only take a few minutes yet it will be very helpful in understanding the exact words you are using that causes your kids not to cooperate. Last week I was talking…
A very common fear is whether your kids will be able to take care of themselves when they leave home. Will they make good choices? Will they be able to manage their money? Will they choose good friends? Will they shop for healthy foods, cook, clean, and take care of themselves? There are so…
The unhealthy or negative approach to the goal of Withdrawal is Undue Avoidance. The healthy or positive approach is Appropriate Avoidance. A key feeling you may have that alerts you to the unhealthy approach is a feeling of Helplessness. I’ve spoken with parents whose children have become so discouraged and their self-esteem so low…
I feel compelled to tell you the story about my mother since we just had Mother’s Day. All my life I had a hard time finding a Mother’s Day card that represented my relationship with my mother. I didn’t want to lie and say that my mother was wonderful, that she was always there for…
I was coaching a client today with a 7-year-old who is having big challenges with his behavior at school. The parents wanted to know how to make the boy know how seriously wrong his behavior was. They wanted to know if I would recommend taking something away or grounding him. They were asking how…
It’s challenging to respond to a teacher’s negative report about your child. Yikes! Your feelings of embarrassment, that you should be able to control your child, could make you want to punish your child in some way. You may think, how can I make him suffer so he knows that I don’t want him acting…
Let’s go beyond “Please” and “Thank You” It’s common to tell your kids, “say thank you”, “say please”, and to “ask me when you want to go to a friend’s house rather than telling me.” I’m sure you have many more directions that you give your kids to mold them into being appreciative children. You…
Terms of Use: The articles in my blog are a matter of my opinion and perspective, offered to help stimulate parents' thinking about their child raising and common concerns, conflicts, and changes that typically occur. They are meant to be educational only. Because they are general in nature, they should NOT be used as a substitute for getting qualified professional psychological, medical, or legal help should serious need arise. The resources I recommend are mostly consistent with my parenting approach. Use them at your own discretion as you would my articles. The parents’ success stories are particular to their family situation. This does not mean that you would get the same results. They are to be used for inspiration that by you changing first, you have the greatest chance of creating a positive change in your family.