- Look at your own need for power, dominance and control. Can you allow you child power?
- Work towards being proactive rather than reactive.
- Keep in mind the behavior goal you are trying to teach your child. Will your actions achieve the desired result? If not, change your behavior, instead of doing more of the same.
- Stop! Manage your own anger first.
- During a power struggle change your perception from “s/he’s trying to get me” to “what is my child feeling and thinking and what goal is s/he trying to meet?”
- Think, “How can I help her meet her needs with positive behavior and my needs be met at the same time?” Think compromise.
- Go beyond your own needs and try to discover a win/win solution to the power struggle.
- Acknowledging your child’s feelings of frustration, anger, powerlessness, etc., creates connection and gives a sense of relief for the child, thus reducing a potential conflict.
- Building empathy and connection with your child is the most effective way to influence their behavior.
- Become an emotion coach rather than an intimidator.
- Children don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. (Michael Popkin, Ph.D., Active Parenting Today)
- Develop strategies that lead your child in a positive direction, rather than trying to control or please them to get positive behavior.
- Provide your child with opportunities to gain power with positive behavior such as choices, problem solving or challenges and successes.
- When your child is using rebellion as a means to gain power, don’t engage. Sometimes silence with or without action can be the best strategy.
- Fighting and giving in are ways to “pay off” a power struggle. No one wins.
©2013 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 341.0779 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with your children.
