It’s essential for your happiness and your children’s future happiness to teach them the importance of everyone in the house doing chores.
Notice I said “teach” not “get your child to”.
There is a big difference in your attitude and approach when you teach your children versus expecting your kids to do chores without training.
Without training, you probably feel frustrated because you end up nagging, which leads to resentment building up and bad feelings by everyone.
So, let’s rephrase the question to: How do I teach (train) my children that everyone in the house is responsible for doing chores since we all live here?
Notice also, that I have dropped the word “help” from the question…
“Help” infers that it’s your job to do the chores and your children are just helping when asked.
Chores is a joint problem to solve together, as a family, rather than yours alone to solve.
Understanding problem ownership and the parenting role you need to adapt for each situation is essential for finding the correct solutions. Chores requires that you use the Collaborator Role to find solutions together.
You’ll know you’re trying to control your kids rather than be an effective Collaborator when you say these words.
- Could you help me…?
- Would you please…?
- If would be nice if you could…
- I can’t do everything around here. You need to help, too.
- If you don’t pick up your toys then you can’t…
- How many times do I have to ask you to…?
Nagging and trying to convince your children to help is ineffective and is not teaching your children the important value that everyone needs to contribute for the success of the family.
Instead, use the Collaborator problem-solving process to decide jointly on a plan.
Then, you may need to follow through by using effective Director Role strategies. One of my favorite Director Role strategies is the After-Then Strategy.
Read about why I think you shouldn’t pay for chores in my article:
Chores: Should parents pay kids or not?
You’ll find many helpful ideas on my blog. For a complete program on how to transform any conflict into cooperation, purchase my book, Ally Parenting: A Non-Adversarial Approach to Transform Conflict Into Cooperation.
You’ll get great chore solutions in my chapter, The Importance of Chores and How to Get Them Done. You deserve to find the answers you need to greater family harmony.
Currently, you can view and purchase Ally Parenting at Kepler’s Books in Menlo Park and Reach and Teach in San Mateo. I encourage you to support these local book stores. Call your local store and ask if you can purchase it from them.
Here are some online locations to purchase Ally Parenting in soft cover and eBook.
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