There may be several changes you would like to see within your family to make it a happier environment. Perhaps you would like more cooperation, a greater sense of connection, or for your children to respect you and each other more.
These are wonderful dreams. However, my examples are not specific enough to know how to begin making the required changes to reach these goals. To get closer to reaching your dreams, I suggest that you write down a list of what you specifically want your family to look, sound, and feel like.
- My children know it’s important to help out around the house so they do their chores willingly.
- My children feel that they can share their struggles with me because they know I will respond in a helpful manner.
- My family has discussions with everyone remaining respectful and calm.
Great! Now you have a vision. The next step is to list what your children are doing that you want changed because they are going against your vision. Again, be specific.
Warning! Be aware of possible self-defeating thoughts that will keep you from doing this activity and from feeling hopeful that you can transform your family. Being a defeatist will cause you to stay right where you are now and we don’t want that to happen, do we?
Watch for such thoughts as:
- I’ve tried everything and nothing works.
- I can’t control them.
- They don’t seem to care.
- I can endure this until they leave.
- It isn’t that bad. All families have problems.
When these or other thoughts arise that cause you to stay stuck think, “My family can become happier. I just haven’t learned how to make the necessary changes. I’m determined to learn how.”
With this inner hurdle overcome, write down your child’s behavior that you want to change. (Please note that you can NOT control your child directly and make THEM change. More on this in the future.)
Here are examples of a behavior list to get you started.
- Refuses to help when I ask them to.
- Always argues with me and tries to get their own way.
- Doesn’t respect me and my rules.
- Has pulled away and won’t share their thoughts with me.
- Calls me names when they are mad at me.
So, in review. In order to make positive changes, first have a detailed vision of how you want your family to interact with each other, and then write down what your children are doing NOW to keep that vision from being true. This process will help you clarify what you want to learn how to change.
For example, if you want your child to do their chores willingly think, “I need to learn how to talk to my children about the value of teamwork regarding household chores so they truly understand.” This turns into the parenting question, how do I talk to my children about chores so they cooperate because right now I’m not being successful?
This question has an answer that you can follow. Breaking down your vision and goals into bite-size pieces makes them solvable! Yeah! How encouraging. I have so much more to teach you about creating your vision. I’d love to hear about your vision and challenges.
Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.
Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much need changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.