The parent-child interaction is like an equation. In this equation, a= actions, t = thinking, p = parents, c = child. Therefore, the parent-child interaction equation is:
(pt + pa) influences (ct + ca).
You can only influence your child’s side of the equation by changing your side of the equation. Attempting direct control through taking their possessions away ignores this equation and feels unfair and hurtful to the middler. This strategy not only doesn’t control, it also looses parental influence and the protective wall will be fortified.
The most effective course to gain cooperation is to shift from rigid thinking to creative thinking. Parental inflexible thoughts don’t allow for problem solving because the perspective is “I’m right and you’re wrong. You need to change, not me.” Continued in part 3.
©2013 Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com or call 650. 341.0779.
