trying to get her to change. I had to change my thinking from “she’s the problem and I need to fix her” to “what can I do differently to get a more positive response from her?” I’m working on stating my expectation, then restating with even fewer words, if necessary, and not engaging. This works…
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When I learned about communication blocks as an Active Parenting Course instructor, my life changed. I realized that if I didn’t take some responsibility for my daughter’s, husband’s, or other people’s negative reactions to what I said that I wouldn’t be able to improve my relationships. The more I took responsibility for learning how to…
DetailsI struggle with managing my anger with my very strong-willed 5 year-old daughter. She gets very demanding with telling me what to do. When I say I can’t do something, she keeps nagging at me and starts to scream and throw a tantrum. She also gets upset if some clothing doesn’t feel right. I try…
DetailsHi Cynthia, I attended your talk about how to encourage your kids to do what you need them to do and I tried it out today. I spent 6 minutes this morning with my older son and we just did what he wanted to do. With that quality time, it was amazing how it transformed…
DetailsTo win cooperation from strong-willed children, focus on not being adversarial, pleading, or fearful of resistance. These types of responses feel disrespectful or weak which diminish your authority and often open the door to power struggles. Avoid these common responses. Answering your kid’s “why?” when they already know the answer. You’ll end up defending yourself…
DetailsMost parents of strong-willed children find them very challenging. Parents have conflicting desires between wanting easy- going children so they will do what they are told, and at the same time strong-willed kids so they will stand up for themselves and not be swayed by negative influences. Since this duo personality doesn’t exist, it’s best…
DetailsThis is the on line article from the New York Times, Jan, 19, 2015 Parenting Advice from America’s Worst Mom http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/19/advice-from-americas-worst-mom/?_r=0 Lenore Skenazy, a New York City mother of two, earned the sobriquet “America’s Worst Mom” after reporting in a newspaper column that she had allowed her younger son, then 9, to ride the subway alone. The…
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I have an 11 year-old son who struggles with school. We put him into a private school and he agreed to do the work. The homework is turning out to be very challenging. I have gotten mad at him many times when he lies about completing his work, because he wasn’t living up to his…
DetailsInstructions: Look at the following skills. Check those that are important to you for your children to learn before they leave home. Keep these goals in mind as you use discipline to teach these important skills. This list is created by Elizabeth Crary in Pick up Your Socks, copyright 1990 Personal Care ___ Bathes ___ …
DetailsBook excerpt from my upcoming book We all have visions of how we want to interact with our kids and how we want them to respond. No one wants to yell, threaten, shame or feel powerless, hurt, or give up. So why is it so difficult to follow our vision of who we want to…
DetailsTerms of Use: The articles in my blog are a matter of my opinion and perspective, offered to help stimulate parents' thinking about their child raising and common concerns, conflicts, and changes that typically occur. They are meant to be educational only. Because they are general in nature, they should NOT be used as a substitute for getting qualified professional psychological, medical, or legal help should serious need arise. The resources I recommend are mostly consistent with my parenting approach. Use them at your own discretion as you would my articles. The parents’ success stories are particular to their family situation. This does not mean that you would get the same results. They are to be used for inspiration that by you changing first, you have the greatest chance of creating a positive change in your family.