As a director, you set up structure to guide your children to fulfill their responsibilities when they don’t want to. Even after problem solving together, they may ignore you or resist your reminders. This is the time to use an effective director strategy. The after-then or work-before-play strategy is one of my favorites because it…
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The Collaborator Parenting Role: Visiting Grandma versus the Movies Conflict Example Parents and children commonly experience conflicts on how to spend the weekends. As kids mature, they want more time with friends than with the family. When they are young, your parenting role is more often as a director where you decide what to do.…
DetailsHi Cynthia, I attended your talk about how to encourage your kids to do what you need them to do and I tried it out today. I spent 6 minutes this morning with my older son and we just did what he wanted to do. With that quality time, it was amazing how it transformed…
DetailsThere are three different roles that parents can take with their children. They can be a director, a collaborator, or a supporter. The role they take depends on who is trying to fill their need or request. When parents want their children to do something that their children don’t want to do, then, the parent…
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We started having private coaching with Cynthia in the spring of our son’s sophomore year in school. We were concerned that he wasn’t doing his homework the best that he could. We kept trying to give him advice and he would always get angry at us telling us to leave him alone. We wanted him…
DetailsDecide on Your Parenting Role: Director, Collaborator, or Supporter / Confidant In order to guide our children toward success, we need to understand our role in each challenge we encounter with them. There are basically three parental roles: 1) The Director: Sets rules, guidelines, and expectations; 2) The Collaborator: Discusses challenges with children and decides…
DetailsMindShift KQED has an informative article about girls getting the message that they are either good at math or not. I know I believe I’m not great at math. Because of this belief, I never pushed myself to become better at math. My daughter sent me this article link and said, “I’m glad I’m good…
DetailsI have had clients who don’t give allowance because they buy kids what they need automatically. Behind every action we do, we are teaching kids beliefs and what we value. If children are always provided for without offering their own money, then they are learning that the world takes care of them and it takes…
DetailsTo answer this question, I divide chores into two categories. The first category are the basic daily/weekly chores that must get done for the family to function. These include picking up toys, cleaning the bedroom, feeding the animals, setting and clearing the table, doing the dishes, sweeping and vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, doing and folding…
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When you try to “help” kids solve their problems and you get an “I don’t know” in response, then you are heading down the wrong path. You have tried to get to the answer way too quickly. Even though the quick-solution directive road seems fastest, it is not because it is filled with strong resistance from your…
DetailsTerms of Use: The articles in my blog are a matter of my opinion and perspective, offered to help stimulate parents' thinking about their child raising and common concerns, conflicts, and changes that typically occur. They are meant to be educational only. Because they are general in nature, they should NOT be used as a substitute for getting qualified professional psychological, medical, or legal help should serious need arise. The resources I recommend are mostly consistent with my parenting approach. Use them at your own discretion as you would my articles. The parents’ success stories are particular to their family situation. This does not mean that you would get the same results. They are to be used for inspiration that by you changing first, you have the greatest chance of creating a positive change in your family.