We know that we constantly read body language and tone of voice to interpret what others think and feel. Let’s not forget to think about the actual words we use as well. Discipline language is the language of learning, compassion, and cooperation. Boundary setting language is also discipline language. Now, punishment language has the intent…
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Too often parents focus on setting rules and limits on their children. Spending time to nurture the relationship seems to be secondary. Without the connection that comes from nurturing, children are less likely to care what their parents think or feel. As kids develop into teenagers, if there is not a foundation of nurture, teens…
DetailsParents often present their homework help in a way that won’t be accepted. We feel we are just trying to help. Why is our help being rejected? Often it’s because we have created a communication block. Below are examples of statements that stop the teen from listening because they feel hurt. See which ones you…
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Rather than viewing teenage girls challenging behaviors as negative, try to step back and view them as developing into being a young woman. Here are the developmental tasks they are working on. Teenage Girls’ Developmental Tasks 1. Physical maturation « Mood swings from hormonal changes which can cause them to act on impulse. « Their…
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I completed a 2 session parenting class at Stanford University today titled Supporting Your Teen. The Stanford Work/Life office provides talks and workshops for their employees. This was my 16th talk on campus. 30 parents attended. Here are quotes from the parents of new skills learned and comments about the class. Recognizing adversarial versus ally…
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Why is listening so important? What is all the fuss about? Most parents want to correct their children when they are doing something “wrong” such as saying they don’t like someone. Imagine a world where children were not corrected consistently. Perhaps they would grow up feeling valued and that they actually had something important to…
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On February 6, 2013 I taught an amazing group of parents at Parents Place in Palo Alto, CA. about the connection between emotions and problem solving. We cannot problem solve until we acknowledge and try to understand our children’s emotions. Many parents want to be logical with their children. When their children are upset, they…
DetailsThis is an excerpt from the book A Piece of Mirror and Other Essays by Daisaku Ikeda. The essay title is Raising Children, pg. 32 The positive influence of skillful parents is shown in the life of Thomas Edison, who invented the light bulb, the phonograph, and many hundreds of other items we use every…
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I see life as a continuous journey of developing my emotional intelligence. Relationships blossom when people emotionally connected. I believe parents play a large part in their children’s emotional development by how proficient they are in listening to and empathizing with their children. This requires parents own continual self-reflection and self-improvement. Daniel Goleman, the author…
DetailsHoward Gardner’s definition of intelligence A biopsychological potential to process information that can be activated in a cultural setting to solve problems or create products that are of value in a culture. “This modest change in wording is important because it suggests that intelligences are not things that can be seen or counted. Instead,…
DetailsTerms of Use: The articles in my blog are a matter of my opinion and perspective, offered to help stimulate parents' thinking about their child raising and common concerns, conflicts, and changes that typically occur. They are meant to be educational only. Because they are general in nature, they should NOT be used as a substitute for getting qualified professional psychological, medical, or legal help should serious need arise. The resources I recommend are mostly consistent with my parenting approach. Use them at your own discretion as you would my articles. The parents’ success stories are particular to their family situation. This does not mean that you would get the same results. They are to be used for inspiration that by you changing first, you have the greatest chance of creating a positive change in your family.