My son was only fourteen when he told me he had been contemplating suicide. And although that day and the ones to follow were some of the most difficult and darkest days of my life—I am so grateful it happened. As a result of this, I tried to figure out how I could create an…
DetailsIt is so easy to blame our children when we don’t like their actions. The “problem behavior” can develop into the “problem child.” As soon as you label your child as a problem, you have hit a deadlock. With this perspective, your thinking becomes inflexible and chances of finding solutions are slim. The focus becomes,…
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I believe that staying with upset children, as long as we are safe physically and emotionally, gives them security. It also models the ability to control emotions when the situation calls for control. I don’t believe children will “think about what they have done” when put in “time out” for “bad” behavior. Did you? After…
DetailsListening to our upset kids can be very difficult. Each person is a jumble of unmet needs that can easily be turned into anger. Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication, encourages us to discern what the unfulfilled need is behind our anger. If your child is having a difficult time controlling herself in public and…
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I often hear parents complaining about children “manipulating” them. This word puts kids instantly into a negative light. The definition of “manipulate” is to control or influence somebody or something in an ingenious or devious way. Why do parents experience children’s strong attempts to get their needs met as devious? Some parents believe that controlling…
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Everyday children experience stressful situations. Challenges such as not getting what they want or feeling that a sibling is liked more can often cause emotions to erupt quickly to the surface. Our challenge is to listen without judgment of “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad”. Parents can learn to accept their child’s released feelings.…
DetailsAre you challenged by knowing when to set limits, when to have a “hands-off” approach or when to support the problem solving process? If so, you are not alone. Parenting is an art, not a science. The formula varies for each parent and child combination. Learning the skills and intuition required for supporting the problem…
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If I had a child who would do what I ask, parenting would be so easy. Instead, for my daughter’s first 20 years I had struggled with my internal drive to push my daughter with sheer intense will. I would try to put aside the knowledge that this is ineffective and only hurts our relationship.…
DetailsMy teenager will not: smoke, do drugs, drink alcohol, be sexually active or rude. School, grades and college will be important. What a great fantasy this is! No problems, no hassles and no fear! Instead, what about expecting that your teenager will do drugs, smoke, have sex, be rude to you and drop out of…
DetailsIf our children simply did everything we told them, followed the wisdom we handed them, wouldn’t parenting be a cinch? The muddiness inherent to parenting doesn’t come from a lack of love, but rather in not understanding our impact on our children and how to get our messages across. For many years I struggled against…
DetailsTerms of Use: The articles in my blog are a matter of my opinion and perspective, offered to help stimulate parents' thinking about their child raising and common concerns, conflicts, and changes that typically occur. They are meant to be educational only. Because they are general in nature, they should NOT be used as a substitute for getting qualified professional psychological, medical, or legal help should serious need arise. The resources I recommend are mostly consistent with my parenting approach. Use them at your own discretion as you would my articles. The parents’ success stories are particular to their family situation. This does not mean that you would get the same results. They are to be used for inspiration that by you changing first, you have the greatest chance of creating a positive change in your family.