Dad Stays Quiet So Teen Daughter Talks More…
Below is a message from one of my clients who (after starting the program mentioned below) saw a dramatic shift in the dynamic between parent and child…
Cynthia,
My wife and I started the month-long Accelerated Wisdom Program with Cynthia…
We came primarily to open up communication with our 13 year old daughter.
She wasn’t telling us much about what she was thinking or feeling and that was a concern because of future potential issues that teens face.
At the end of our initial four hour session, I was astonished to realize that what I thought were empathetic and encouraging comments, were actually keeping my daughter from talking.
I would have a habit of saying things that apparently felt like an interrogation, or were about me rather than her. These are two communication blocks called “interrogating” and “me-tooism”.
I knew what I was doing wasn’t the best but I didn’t know why and what to do instead.
Cynthia totally understood my communication errors, and when we left our first session, I had a strategic plan to focus on stopping myself so my daughter would have space to talk.
That week, she came home telling us that she wanted to drop a class at school.
I wanted to cut her off, jump in with my own ideas, thoughts and opinions…and of course, share a story about myself which (in the past) would have shut her down and ended communication.
Instead, I remembered that I needed to give her space to talk…
So I stopped!
I just said, “Okay” in a non-committal way.
I was amazed that she kept talking! I was even able to say, that we could talk about it more later and help her make a decision if she wanted.
Just this simple awareness and willingness to try Cynthia’s advice has made me feel closer to my daughter.
I think she will learn to trust me more and share more as I keep practicing how to listen openly without judgment, interrupting her, or talking about myself.
Thank you so much, Cynthia. Your wisdom is amazing and you give us the exact guidance we need to hear.
To learn more about communication blocks and how to listen openly, read these other insightful articles.
Support Your Child’s Decision Making Process
Awareness of Communication Blocks is the First Step
How Parents Can Fix Broken Communication with Their Kids
