I was raised in a culture that emphasizes kids’ academic success. Because of this, I was not taught the importance of parents and children playing together to create emotional bonds. As a result, I constantly told my children what to do to become successful in my eyes. We rarely had fun together. By the time they were teenagers, they shut me out and refused to take my advice. I felt hurt and frustrated.
I hired Cynthia as my private parenting coach to learn how to make my kids follow my advice. Instead, I discovered that my lack of emotional connection with them, which would develop by listening to the boys and having fun with them, was the main reason for our combative relationships.
I have a hard time realizing that I continually block communication by giving them unwanted advice. These blocks create negative hidden messages that hurt my boys. My advice implied that they couldn’t fix their problems or think. This caused them to feel discouraged, belittled, and to not like me and thus not accept any of my brilliant ideas.
Cynthia encouraged me to have fun with my boys to build emotional connection which would lead to greater cooperation. She told me to stop pushing like the wind and instead use soft power of connecting like the sun. Because I followed her expert advice, I had an amazing experience right away that convinced me that she was right.
I bought a board game for my sons and we played a game together for the first time. One source of my hurt and frustration was that my son wouldn’t speak my native language in the home. I would ask him and he would refuse. As we were playing, I said that we could use easy Native words while playing the game. Would he be willing to try? To my total amazement, he said “yes.”
I saw the immediate benefit of winning cooperation through developing emotional connection first. He felt good about me playing with him, so he was willing to please me in return. Thank you for teaching me this amazing knowledge, Cynthia. I will keep working on building closeness so I gain greater influence in my boys lives so we will be happier together.
Dad of 13 and 16 year old boys
Read these great articles to learn what this dad learned about communication blocks and building greater influence.
©2016 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Family Success Coach since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. She works with parents of 4 – 25 year-old children.
To learn how Cynthia can help you solve your specific challenges, contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, , or 650. 679.8138 to have a complementary 45-minute discovery session. Why keep suffering? It’s time to change!