“At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled….we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.”
Marshall B. Rosenberg. Ph.D.
In a previous post, Find Out What’s Triggering Your Parental Anger, I shared common parental thoughts that can lead to feelings of hurt and frustration that then leads to anger. In order to change this cycle, we need to understand what we are thinking, then with great determination, choose another thought pattern. We have to be willing to let go of our anger. We have to come to the point of realizing that anger usually builds walls between people. We have to let go of feeling we are right and our kids are wrong.
Here are some alternative explanations and replacement thoughts that you can choose instead of your current thoughts that are leading you to anger. You probably have your own as well.
Alternate Explanations
Child’s temperament
Developmentally appropriate behavior
Has needs and is trying to cope
Reinforced behavior from the past
Replacement Thoughts
- “I’m overly upset because it is reminding me of my childhood”
- “It’s just a phase and natural for his/her age.”
- “I need to get control of myself.”
- “Don’t take it seriously. Keep a sense of humor.”
- “I think my child is acting like me. I need to change myself first.”
- “He/she isn’t really trying to do this to me. He/she is just trying to cope.”
- “I need to find a more effective way to build cooperation rather than trying to control my child through anger and threats.”
- “My child has to release hurt feelings before able to be cooperative and flexible.”
- “My child is uncooperative for some reason that I need to find out.”
Are you willing to embrace any of these replacement thoughts so you can change your anger cycle? Do you do something else to defuse your anger with your kids?
©2013 Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, bridges2understanding.com or call 650. 341.0779.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
