Last Wednesday, October 10, 2012, I spoke at the East Menlo Park Boys and Girls Club on the San Francisco Peninsula. My topic was Winning Kids Over without Punishments or Rewards. Here is a picture of parents discussing concepts together so the new information is truly learned.
Here are a few points from my talk.
My Discipline Approach is to:
•Connect emotionally first
•Then use respectful strategies
–After – Then Rule
–Set Effective Time Limits
–Express Needs And Expectations First
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I first discussed the definition of punishment and discipline.
•Punishment
Goal: Gaining Control Over Children
•Punitive consequence.
•Judged as good/bad or right/wrong.
• “What you are doing is wrong. I demand that you do what I say. My needs are more important than yours!”
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•Discipline
Goal: Creating Cooperation With Children
•See the situation as a “teachable” moment.(Alfie Kohn)
•Meet needs rather than moralistic judgments.
•“Let’s discuss the problem and find solutions together so everyone’s needs can be met.”
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To further clarify whether you are using discipline or punishment, below are the 4 qualities of effective discipline according to Jane Nelsen, PhD.d. author of numerous parenting books.
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4 Qualities of Effective Discipline
1.Maintains Sense Of Connection
2.Respectful
3.Effective Long Term
4.Teaches Social And Life Skills Which Develop Good Character.
It can be difficult to use discipline strategies rather than punishment tactics for various reasons. What are your thoughts on the differences between punishment and discipline that I have listed?
Contact me if your group would like me to speak on this topic or a selection of other parenting topics. Cynthia Klein, Certified Parent Educator, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, Middle School Mom columnist for Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. (www.ponthep.com)
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