Effective Discipline Point # 3: Respectful
Jane Nelsen, PhD. has written numerous parenting books that are based on positive discipline. She says that for discipline to be effective; it needs to contain these four qualities.
- Maintains a sense of connection
- Is effective long term
- Respectful
- Teaches social and life skills which develop good character.
Here are examples of discipline that contain all four aspects. They are especially Respectful. . You can use these strategies to different degrees no matter what age the child is. In contrast, using time-out or taking things away cannot be used for very long. Soon children will say, “I don’t care” when you try to control them with punishments such as hurtful time outs.
Show mutual respect. No poison words. (Check out my next post for examples.)
Do what is best for the child, not fear based.
Remove yourself from the conflict and talk about it after cooling off. Don’t fight or give in.
Use 10 words or fewer; also use humor.
Stop telling child what to do.
Give honest compliments.
Decide what you will do instead of making them do it. Act, don’t talk.
Set nonnegotiable rules.
If you say it, mean it, if you mean it, do it.
Point to the misbehavior, not the person.
Check out my next post on examples of poison words.
Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, www.bridges2understanding.com.com or call 650. 341.0779.
