We can often think that feelings just arise from nowhere.
When we look at the Think-Feel-Do cycle developed by Michael Popkin, PhD. we see a different perspective. How we think about an event causes our feelings about the event. Then, our thinking leads to our actions.
Too often parents try to change a child by trying to change the child’s action or their Do.
That is actually the farthest from our influence. According to this cycle, we have the greatest control by changing our thinking about an event first. Often we get stuck in a vicious belief cycle. This rigidity in thinking and an inability to creatively solve family problems together.
When we think, feel, and act differently with our children, we will usually get a different response.
Sometimes the negative cycle is so engrained that it may take a time to change the pattern. Don’t give up, though .
I’ll explore in another article which thoughts can lead to rigidity and conflict with our children. As an example, whenever you feel like you are a victim by saying something like, my child is taking advantage of me, then you will be unable to shift the cycle. Stay tuned for more.
Read more about how to Shift Inflexible Thoughts to Flexible Thoughts
Copyright Cynthia Klein has been a certified parent educator since 1994. contact her at bridges2understanding.com for webinars, inviting her to speak or private coaching. She writes the Middle School Mom column in Parenting on the Peninsula magazine.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
