I have an 11 year-old son who struggles with school. We put him into a private school and he agreed to do the work. The homework is turning out to be very challenging. I have gotten mad at him many times when he lies about completing his work, because he wasn’t living up to his end of the bargain, or just because he won’t do his work to his best ability. Whenever I get mad, it only makes matters worse. He gets angry back at me and it takes a long time for him to calm down and do his homework.
My wife and I went to Cynthia for help with this problem. I was looking at him as having the problem and that he was the one who needed to change. Cynthia taught us to approach the problem by thinking about what we can think, feel, and do differently to bring out a better reaction from our son.
Recently my son got a poor grade on a test. I felt angry inside and I wanted to yell at him saying, “Why didn’t you study more?” “I pay all this good money for your school and you don’t even try”, etc. You get the picture. Instead I contained my anger and sat next to him and worked on empathizing with him. I said, “You must have felt bad to get this poor grade.” (Cynthia teaches us to not say “must have” but I haven’t perfected being empathetic yet.) I said some more empathetic statements and I was shocked when my son said that he was pissed about how he did on the test. He actually opened up about his feelings rather than feeling hurt by my yelling and yelling back.
I felt great about controlling myself. He completed his homework much earlier in the evening than he would have if I yelled. We are also working on having problem solving discussions about many other challenges such as the two boys fighting in the car. My wife and I will continue working with Cynthia because we are learning a new parenting approach that makes everyone happier and works much better than yelling and threats. Thank you Cynthia.
Dad of 2 boys and mom
To learn more about Cynthia’s parenting education go to bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com or call 650.679.8138