Giving Directions

What do you do when you and your rules aren’t respected? If you have this situation, I imagine you feel challenged with trying to gain respect. This is a complicated problem that doesn’t have one solution. In fact, it takes answering probing questions to try and find the sources of this disrespect.

I’d like to offer you some ways of exploring this problem that I hope will be helpful for you. Please keep in mind that I don’t know your situation so I trust that these questions will help you broaden your current perspective so you can find a more effective approach.

Questions to ponder 

  • Are you able to separate kids not respecting (not following) your rules from not respecting you or do you think they are the same thing? 
    • Kids/teens often try to meet their needs which can go against your needs or rules. They are following a common developmental path of trying to gain independence which doesn’t have anything to do with you personally. 
    • When you take their rebellion personally, then your emotional state inhibits your being able to parent logically. 
  • Do you believe that children should automatically respect your rules regardless of how you treat them? 
    • This has been a common belief that is being questioned now by some adults and children.
  • What do you think about the concept of mutual respect? 
    • Do you think that children will respect you if they don’t feel respected?
    • Children are more willing to follow your rules if they feel respected.
  • How do you give directions? What words do you use? Are you respectful, clear, and to the point or do you over-explain yourself? 
    • Do you shame, threaten, or plead? What happens when you do?
  • Are you willing to give up a hard power approach and try a more soft power approach that is based on a mutual-respect parenting style?
    • With soft power, you still retain authority as the parent/caregiver however children feel respected so they don’t need to hurt you back through revenge or gain power through rebellion.

When you try to find an answer to a parenting problem, you will be open to more possibilities if you ask the question, “What could I think and do differently so I would get a different response?” The power lies in changing yourself first rather than trying to change your child directly. Anytime you stay stuck in “How do I change my child?” (get them to respect me and my rules) you limit your creativity to come up with effective solutions.

I encourage you to not feel shame if you realize that your current approach is a big part of the problem. You are doing what you learned before. Now you are learning how to create a more respectful home so you feel respected, too. Parenting is a learned skill especially if you want to parent differently from how you were raised. I’m here to help you.

Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.

Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much need changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.

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