I think Elaine Aron’s book is wonderful and I encourage you to buy it if you have a highly sensitive child. Her questionnaire below will help you decide.
By Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. author of the highly sensitive child – Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them.
Please answer each question as best as you can. Circle True if it is true or at least moderately true of your child, or was for a substantial time in the past. Circle False if it has not been very true of your child or was never true.
| # | My child………….. | ||
| 1 | T | F | startles easily |
| 2 | T | F | complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his or her skin. |
| 3 | T | F | doesn’t usually enjoy big surprises |
| 4 | T | F | learns better from a gentle correction than from a strong punishment |
| 5 | T | F | seems to read my mind. |
| 6 | T | F | uses big words for his/her age. |
| 7 | T | F | notices the slightest unusual order. |
| 8 | T | F | has a clever sense of humor. |
| 9 | T | F | seems very intuitive. |
| 10 | T | F | is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day. |
| 11 | T | F | doesn’t do well with big changes. |
| 12 | T | F | wants to change clothes if wet or sandy. |
| 13 | T | F | asks lots of questions. |
| 14 | T | F | is a perfectionist. |
| 15 | T | F | notices the distress of others. |
| 16 | T | F | prefers quiet play. |
| 17 | T | F | asks deep, thought-provoking questions. |
| 18 | T | F | is very sensitive to pain. |
| 19 | T | F | is bothered by noisy places. |
| 20 | T | F | notices subtleties. (something that’s been moved, a change in a person’s appearance. |
| 21 | T | F | considers if it is safe before climbing high. |
| 22 | T | F | performs best when strangers aren’t present. |
| 23 | T | F | feels things deeply. |
Scoring: If you answer True to thirteen or more of the questions, your child is probably highly sensitive. But no psychological test is so accurate that you should base how you treat your child on it. If only one or two questions are true of your child, but they are extremely true, you might also be justified in calling your child highly sensitive. (HSC – highly sensitive child)
One common attribute of highly sensitive children, is that they need to be heard clearly because they hate injustices. A parenting skill that is very helpful with these children, is to listen openly and em pathetically while truly valuing what they have to say. Below are some articles that will show you the beginning steps of this skill. Contact me if you want guidance with learning this skill.
Awareness of Communication Blocks is the First Step
Listening to Emotions without Discounting Feelings
Why It’s Hard to Listen to Upset Kids
Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Family Success Coach since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She works with parents of 5 – 25 year-old children.
To learn how Cynthia can help you solve your specific challenges, contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, , or 650. 679.8138 to have a complementary 45-minute discovery session. Why keep suffering? It’s time to change!
