Summer is a great time to teach your children the importance of everyone in the house doing chores. Notice I said “teach” not “get your child to”. There is a big difference in your attitude and approach when you teach your children versus expecting your kids to do chores without training. Without training, you probably feel frustrated because you end up nagging which leads to resentment building up and bad feelings by everyone.
So, let’s rephrase the question to: How do I teach (train) my children that everyone in the house is responsible for doing chores since we all live here?
Notice also, that I have dropped the word “help’ from the question. “Help” infers that it’s your job to do the chores and your children are just helping when asked. Chores is a joint problem to solve rather than your problem to solve. Understanding problem ownership and the parenting role you need to adapt for each situation is essential for finding the correct solutions. Chores requires that you use the Collaborator Role to find solutions together.
You’ll know you are trying to control your kids rather than be an effective Collaborator when you say these words.
- Could you help me…..?
- Would you please…..?
- If would be nice if you could …..
- I can’t do everything around here. You need to help, too.
- If you don’t pick up your toys then you can’t……
- How many times do I have to ask you to …..?
Nagging and trying to convince your children to help is ineffective and is not teaching your children the important value that everyone needs to contribute for the success of the family. Instead, use the Collaborator problem-solving process to decide jointly on a plan. Then, you may need to follow through by using effective Director Role strategies. One of my favorite Director Role strategies is the After-Then Strategy.
You’ll find many helpful ideas on my blog. For a complete program on how to transform any conflict into cooperation, purchase my book, Ally Parenting: A Non-Adversarial Approach to Transform Conflict Into Cooperation.
You’ll get great chore solutions in my chapter, The Importance of Chores and How to Get Them Done. You deserve to find the answers you need to greater family harmony.
Here are some online locations to purchase Ally Parenting in soft cover and eBook.
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©2017 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Family Success Coach since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, private parenting coaching sessions, and her book, Ally Parenting: A Non-Adversarial Approach to Transform Conflict Into Cooperation. She works with parents of 5 – 25-year-old children.
To learn how Cynthia can help you solve your specific challenges, contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, , or 650. 679.8138 to have a complementary 45-minute discovery session. Why keep suffering? It’s time to change!