I have total confidence that a dedicated parent can learn how to create happier relationships with their kids. Knowing that I believe in your ability to grow, I’d like to touch on a difficult subject concerning how parents can get into a negative cycle with their kids.
What is your “mantra” concerning your kids? What do you say over and over that is getting fixed in your mind?
Do any of these sound familiar?
He is so stubborn.
She just thinks of herself.
You never listen.
You are so disrespectful.
Can’t you ever sit still?
Why do you always pick on your brother/sister?
When you repeat a mantra over and over, it starts to feel like the full truth. If the mantra speaks of positive thoughts, they become the truth. If they point out a child’s challenge, then the child starts to believe that your mantra is the most important truth about him or her.
A vicious cycle can start where the child fulfills your mantra. Today, think about what negative thoughts or words you are saying over and over again. I would encourage you to force yourself to stop the words.
Words have tremendous power to heal or hurt. Focus on a positive aspect of your child and point that out. Or, believe that your child will learn how to not pick on their sibling with your help. Change “Why do you always pick on your sibling” to “I see you need my help teaching you how to get along with your sibling.” Or, “I need to learn how to communicate so my children listen to me more.” Or, i could help her learn to think of others. It’s a learned skill.”
We can control our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Start with stopping the hurtful messages. Then gradually replace with the loving and positive one. You will see the positive more and more as your children see themselves through your eyes.
What makes it so difficult to keep focusing on the positive side of our children? How can we continually challenge our judgmental natures?
Contact me for a few personal sessions to get you moving in the right direction. I am offering a Start the Year on the Right Foot 50% off up to 2 sessions for new clients before March 1, 2013. Call Cynthia at 650.341.0779.
©2012 Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com or call 650. 341.0779.