How to Respond to an Upset Child so They Become Calm and Reasonable

Do your children ever get so upset that you don’t know what to do to calm them down? When you need to respond to an upset child, it can be difficult to know which approach actually works.

Maybe you:

1. Try to soothe them and tell them everything will be alright.
2. Tell them, “Don’t be so upset. It’s no big problem.”
3. Feel so frustrated that you send them to their room or leave them where they are and ignore them.
4. Hope it will get better with time.
5. Say things that make it worse, and they start verbally attacking you.

Understanding Emotional Triggers

Emotions are so challenging. Most of us never had the support we needed when we were children because no one knew what to do. This means that we have unleashed pent-up childhood feelings that can be triggered when our children are upset.

So, we aren’t trying to just soothe them, we’re trying to manage our own emotions that get in the way of attending to our children’s needs. Then, if you add in other children or a spouse, there is emotional chaos that explodes!

The Science of How to Respond to an Upset Child

Since I was a child, there has been a great deal of research about the brain and emotions. One important outcome of research shows that when the emotional mind is flaring, the rational mind shuts down. The “thinking” impulses just can’t reach the prefrontal cortex, the thinking brain.

Even if you know this research, knowing exactly how to respond to an upset child can still be a mystery.

Managing Internal Thoughts and Language

The desire to solve this mystery led to a deeper dive into our inner thoughts and the language used that either increase or decrease emotions. Becoming a master of words either said to my daughter or spouse, and internal words said to myself became the goal. Learning to understand the thoughts behind the feelings that were being triggered made great progress possible in managing myself and then supporting others. This is where I made great progress in managing myself and then supporting others.

One Mom I’m working with is experiencing success with this analyzing process as the first step. Becoming aware that our thoughts are based on old beliefs and that they CAN be changed, is very freeing. She is much less triggered by her children’s upsets, so she can be more available to successfully support them in their need to release their emotions.

A Better Way to Respond to an Upset Child

Above, you will see an image of the Emotional Support Process that will guide you through how to be the supporter your upset child needs so they can calm themselves. I’ve put the details of each of the 5 steps in my NEW video-based Win, Win, Win, Parenting program. It doesn’t need to be a mystery anymore. 

Watch my video, “How Do I Respond to an Upset Child?” below. 

You can also watch it, plus other FAQ videos, on the Win, Win, Win, Parenting landing page.

I’m very excited that this video-based, self-paced program that I’ve put my heart and soul into for a year is COMPLETE! 

I encourage you to check it out and see if Win, Win, Win, Parenting can give you the answers you need to create greater harmony in your home.

Happy parenting!

Cynthia

Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions, so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much-needed changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.

Learn about how you can solve your parenting challenges at your own pace with the Win, Win, Win Parenting Program.