Does your childhood impact your parenting? Are you noticing that you sound at times like your parents did with you?
Many dads and moms I’ve talked to over the past 29 years are trying to parent in a different way than how they were parented. If, on the other hand, you want to repeat the same pattern, then there is no need for parent education. You just go by your gut reaction and continue to tell yourself “I turned out fine so I don’t need to change.”
However, if you have emotional scarring from how you were raised, then you are in the right place to learn a new approach.
The parents, like you, who are attracted to the Ally Parenting approach want to be respectful and loving to their children. This is almost always in contrast to how they were raised.
Their struggles with their kids can often be traced back to the leftover negative messages they received about themselves from their parents. Perhaps you have noticed your expectations and judgments about your children’s behavior are similar to what you experienced and the result is not pleasant.
I approach this challenge of teaching parents how to shift from being an adversary to an ally as an educator, not a therapist. I received my degree in Child Psychology at U.C. Berkeley and went on to train as a teacher, not a therapist. So, my approach is housed more in the logical brain rather than the emotional brain.
I’d like to start you on this journey.
In order to overcome the negative impact of the messages you learned about yourself as a child on your current parenting, it’s essential to start by reviewing how you were raised.
This is how many parents were raised. Perhaps you experienced one or all of these common and accepted childrearing practices.
- They were told in some way that they were not good enough, thus they didn’t feel lovable.
- Their feelings and thoughts were not valued and certainly not listened to very often if at all.
- They were expected to obey and not argue and if they did, they would receive a punishment.
As a parent educator, I don’t expect you to delve deep into your childhood. I’ll leave that up to therapists who are well-trained in this important task. However, without some exploration into your upbringing and why you get upset by how your kids treat you, permanent change can’t happen.
For example, you may try to remain calm as you repeat reminding your kids to do a task. Soon, the painful feelings of disrespect, hurt, and devaluation can’t be squelched any longer. They come out as anger and hurtful words which you regret afterward especially when your child is crying about how mean you are.
I hope you are starting to understand that you can’t ignore your childhood and hope its emotional impact just goes away. It won’t. There is a clear path of how to start to address and transform your current inner dialogue that’s causing outward problems with your relationship with your children.
Happy Parenting!
Cynthia
Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.
Check out my bonus parenting classes on getting kids to listen, be respectful, cooperate, and share their struggles plus more. CLICK HERE.
Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much need changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.
