Children’s Arguing is a Good Sign
“Why do you have to argue about everything I ask you to do? Why can’t you just cooperate nicely for once? You make everything so difficult.”
If your child has turned into a member of the debate team, then you are experiencing their prefrontal cortex, the logical brain, at work. Your “argumentative” child is exercising and practicing their reasoning and judgment skills.
Your Self-Talk Will Help You From Arguing Back
So next time your child doesn’t easily comply, try to think to yourself, “The brain is developing right now. How marvelous.” Be mindful of taking their arguing as an attack on your authority. Tough to do, I know; but this is key.
Prefrontal Cortex Developed Around Age 25
The prefrontal cortex is in charge of planning, paying attention, judgment, reasoning, impulse control, and short-term memory. The family is the safest place for kids to practice and develop logic. Currently, brain science believes that the majority of the prefrontal cortex neural pathway development is completed by age 25.
Your Child “Attorney” Needs to Know When to Argue and When Not To
It is important to clearly state which issues are to be discussed and which ones are not to be discussed. If you change in mid-steam from a “no-discussion” stance to an “OK, we’ll talk about it” stance, your negotiator gets confused. This confusion leads your child to think that every issue is open to debate.
What are you doing to keep the arguing going?
Learn the three elements needed to deal with arguing in part 2.
Check out Growing Up Again, 2nd edition, by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson to learn more about negotiating with kids.
©2014 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. She works with parents of 4 – 25 year-old children. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 679.8138 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with your children.
