Click here for part 1.
Part 2
3 Key Elements to Lead to Appropriate Negotiating
1. Ask yourself who has ownership of making the final decision.
The solution can be decided by the adults, the children, or the parents and children together. Discussion and negotiation can occur when the child has full or partial ownership but not when the parent has full ownership.
2. Clearly state which issues are negotiable and which are non-negotiable
Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson in Growing Up Again, 2nd edition, offer a worksheet format where you can write down your nonnegotiable and negotiable rules. A posted written rules sheet can be useful for future reference.
3. Respond without fueling the negotiation
If your child keeps arguing it is because you have kept the argument going. You probably respond to the “Why do I have to” question because you think that you always need to explain your reasoning. State it once and that’s it.
Be aware of your own need for power as well as your child’s.
If your child’s goal is to gain power and get what they want, then your explanation will probably not stop your child from arguing. Your child will not say, “Thank you for explaining that to me. Now I understand and I will do what you want me to do.” Don’t we wish!
Click here for part 3 where you will see this strategy put into action.
©2014 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. She works with parents of 4 – 25 year-old children. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understanding.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 679.8138 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with your children.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
