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Mom is Part of a Vicious Arguing Cycle
A mom shared with me how her daughter argues about everything and it drives her nuts. It could be about taking a shower, brushing her teeth, or doing her homework. It turns out that the mom had fallen into the “parental explanation” negative loop that kept the argument going.
“Why?” Doesn’t Often Require an Answer
Instead of responding to the why question, I taught her how to instead keep restating the directive. Again, this approach is for when your child is not part of the decision making process.
Here is how she responded that stopped the arguing.
Mom: It’s time for a shower.
Daughter: Why do I have to take a shower now?
Mom: Shower time.
Daughter: But I don’t want to take a shower.
Mom: You can read after you take a shower.
Daughter: I took one last night.
Mom: Shower
Daughter: Oh. All right.
Shorten Your Directive as You Repeat It
The key ingredient in your response is to keep repeating the directive in various short forms. Don’t give reasons that try to convince your child to agree with you. If you do, then you are debating and this is where the problem lies. Make sure to also give children plenty of opportunities to discuss problems and practice negotiating with you when appropriate.
©2014 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. She works with parents of 4 – 25 year-old children. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understanding.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 679.8138 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with your children.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
