Tonight I taught a class for mothers on how to keep the closeness with their 9 – 14 year-old girls. This was at the Parents Place which is part of the Jewish Family Services in San Mateo, CA. Here are some key points I covered. Cynthia Klein, Certified Parent Educator, bridges2understanding.com.
Give our girls power to develop their own identity.
- A. Empowering versus Enabling
Empowering When we empower our daughters they have a tendency to:
- Develop courage
- Feel a sense of high self-esteem
Ways We Empower Girls
- Turning control over to our daughters as soon as possible.
- Hanging in there when the going gets tough.
- Let them face their mistakes and use them as an opportunity to grow.
- Teaching them problem solving skills
Enabling When we enable our children, they have a tendency to:
- Become immobilized
- Feel a sense of low self-esteem
Ways We Enable Girls
- Doing too much for them
- Giving them too much
- Overprotecting / rescuing
- Lying for them (making excuses for their behavior.
Discussion Activity 2: In what ways can you start empowering your daughter more?
Special Developmental Stages of Girls
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Ages 9 – 12 |
Ages 13 – 16 |
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Forming an Identity as an Achiever |
Skill Building for Self-Esteem
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Dr. Sally Archer states in Interpersonal and Identity Development New Research Directions that in order to achieve an identity a person must:
« explore
« experiment
« contrast self with others
« sort through identifications
« choose those that seem to fit
« discard those that don’t
« integrate the identification into a unique individual
Women and Men’s Typical Conversation Goals
Males and females have both abilities. Choose according to the situation.
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Women |
Men |
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Intimacy |
Solve Problems |
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Support |
Give Advice |
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Reach Consensus |
Show Superiority |
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
