Parents at Mid-Peninsula High School in Menlo Park, CA gathered tonight to learn how to communicate so teens will actually listen to them. As their speaker, i focused on my 3 Step Quick Coaching Process.:
Step 1: Stop Blocking Communication
Step 2: Listen Openly
Step 3: Discuss Ideas
The first key point from Step 1 is to understand the difference between an ally parenting approach and an adversarial parenting approach. .
- Develop a perspective as an ally rather than an adversary. You can also think of using a Soft Power parenting approach. An ally focuses on finding win/ win solutions. Emotions and thoughts of everyone are valued and listened to. The relationship is valued and nourished.. the parent thinks of his parenting approach from a lifelong perspective.
In contrast, the adversarial approach:
- An adversarial parent tries to create a win/lose objective where the parent wins and the child/teen loses. It is more of a Hard Power Approach. Emotions and thoughts of the child are ignored. The quality of the parent-child relationship is not a priority. The adults have a more immediate view where getting what they want becomes the goal.
More to come of what parents learned at the parent education night at Mid-Peninsula High School.
Cynthia Klein is a certified parent educator since 1994. Find her at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com and 650.341.0779. . Invite her to speak at your organization or contact her for a webinar or private coaching. She writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula.