Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive
Imagine if you would have had the opportunity to take courses in school on understanding emotions…
Getting a leg-up on knowing the reasons behind the emotions you were feeling, how to regulate them, and how to understand emotions in others.
Fortunately, some schools understand the crucial need for developing emotional intelligence in children and seek outside resources.
I suggest that you encourage this education in your children’s schools.
An incredible tool for you to use for this purpose has been made available by a colleague of mine…
Dr. Marc Brackett, professor at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and author of Permission to Feel, has developed an educational system called R.U.L.E.R.
This emotional intelligence curriculum is currently being taught in schools across the United States.
R.U.L.E.R stands for Recognize, Understand, Label, Express, and Regulate.
In a recent interview on Good Morning America, he explains that feelings are information, and that it is important to listen to, rather than ignore, suppress, or deny.
Behaviors which can lead to stress and depression.
During his interview, Marc Brackett reminds us of the old adage that we have to name it to tame it.
If we aren’t aware of what’s going on inside of us emotionally (and why) then how can we express it clearly or manage it?
Equally important, is that parents work to be emotionally aware.
Otherwise, how can you connect to your children and give them the emotional support that they desperately need in our stressful times?
It should be kept in mind though, that if you were not taught about emotions from a young age, you probably have difficulty truly listening to your child without at times getting emotionally charged yourself.
So, the first skill I teach parents is:
- what communication blocks are…
- and how to avoid them so your kids will talk to you.
Examples of communication blocks are giving unwanted advice, commanding, placating, interrogating, moralizing, being a-know-it-all, etc.
Once you learn how to keep from shutting down your child by avoiding communication blocks, you will learn how to respond more effectively.
Allowing them to continue expressing their thoughts and feelings respectfully and freely.
This step entails using empathetic phrases which focuses on you using tentative responses, so your child feels that you truly want to hear what they are saying.
With practice, the Ally Parenting approach will teach you to be aware of words and phrases to avoid (because they cause your child to build walls) and instead use words that build connections between you and your child.
And, consider sharing Marc Brackett’s new book, Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive (available now) with your school district superintendent to help bring emotional intelligence awareness and education to your school.
You can learn about choosing open communication over communication blocks in my book, Ally Parenting: A Non-Adversarial Approach to Transform Conflict Into Cooperation.
Or, by reading my post: Awareness Of Communication Blocks Is The First Step.
