We started having private coaching with Cynthia in the spring of our son’s sophomore year in school. We were concerned that he wasn’t doing his homework the best that he could. We kept trying to give him advice and he would always get angry at us telling us to leave him alone. We wanted him to get all A’s and he would always get one B.
Through a series of questions from Cynthia, we gained insight into our anxiety and need to pressure our son so much. Now we are more able to let it go. We grew up in another country where it was very difficult and doing well in school was the only way to change ones situation. We kept seeing him as not doing enough because he wasn’t handling school and studying the same way we would.
Our anxiety was the root of the problem; not that our son wasn’t studying the way we wanted him too.Below is a summary of a very important conversation that helped us understand ourselves and our son better so we could change our beliefs.
Anxious parents: We keep giving him advice because we just want our son better than us.
Cynthia: Why do you want him better than you? You are not good enough? Do you think making him better than you will make him happier? You are not happy?
Anxious parents: I am good,I am proud of myself, I am happy.
Cynthia: Will you be happy if your son is like you? Why do you want him better than you?
Anxious parents: Yes. But we still want him better than us, because he has much better condition than us.
Cynthia: Better condition doesn’t mean better person. Better person is from hardship. Because you struggled as you did, you became the people you are now.
Parents: … yes, you are right! We never thought of it that way. Thank you.
Our son is now a junior in high school and our relationship has improved so much because of our more relaxed and trusting relationship with him. He is doing very well in school and his desire is coming from inside of him. He doesn’t have to push against him anymore. We are so much happier.
Happy parents of junior boy.
Our educator is Cynthia Klein, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, 650.679.8138