If I had a child who would do what I ask, parenting would be so easy. Instead, for my daughter’s first 20 years I had struggled with my internal drive to push my daughter with sheer intense will. I would try to put aside the knowledge that this is ineffective and only hurts our relationship. When her behavior became risky in middle school, I realized I had to look deep within myself and make changes.
My desire to build connection through a mutually respectful relationship with my daughter must come first since controlling didn’t work. Influence rather than control became my focus. I found that taking full responsibility to change myself first rather than expect her to change was the most effective strategy. To help me self correct my behavior I asked myself this question before acting, “Is what I am about to say or do going to hurt or help our relationship?”
Now she is 23 and living away from home. I trained myself to think of what I wanted our life-long relationship to feel like and then to take the appropriate actions that would ensure this goal. My daughter calls me her mentor because I have learned how to listen with confidence in her, with offering safety and with warmth. I believe that each parent can learn how to build bridges of understanding when a connected relationship is their focus.
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About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
