Jane Nelsen, PhD. has written numerous parenting books that are based on positive discipline. She says that for discipline to be effective; it needs to contain these four qualities. .
- Maintains a sense of connection
- Is effective long term
- Respectful
- Teaches social and life skills which develop good character.
Here are examples of discipline that contain all four aspects. They are especially Effective Long Term. You can use these strategies to different degrees no matter what age the child is. In contrast, using time-out or taking things away cannot be used for very long. Soon children will say, “I don’t care” when you try to control them with punishments such as hurtful time outs.
Effective Long Term
Empower rather than enable.
Agreed upon deadlines.
Negotiate rules, make exceptions.
Give more freedoms with age.
Go beyond consequences’ find solutions together coming to consensus.
Explore goals of child’s behavior.
Have child address your fears.
Have faith in child’s problem solving abilities.
Deal with the belief behind the behavior.
What parenting tools do you use that will last a lifetime?
Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, bridges2understanding.com or call 650. 341.0779.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
