Certain words have a tendency to “poison” communication. They can turn conversations into arguments and escalate emotions to unmanageable levels.Poison words are often used when people are angry or frustrated and they can cause people to lose their tempers or become defensive.
You should try to avoid using these words and phrases during negotiations.
(These words should be used with caution in any setting, because they tend to generate a reaction that is emotional and often destructive to good communication
Commands Exaggerations
You should… Always…
You shouldn’t… Never…
You’d better… Constantly…
You ought to… Forever…
You’re supposed to.. Everybody…
You can’t… Nobody…
You will… Every time…
All the time…
Comparisons Questioning
You’re just like… Why?
That’s like… (Try to use
_____ wouldn’t “Could you explain” or
That’s not the way _____ would… “Help me understand”)
Ignoring Other poisons
That is irrelevant. Shaming
Don’t bother… Name-calling
Whatever… Threatening
Blaming
Assuming
Using “but” which “erases” the first part of your statement.
This list was co-created with Melissa Risdon when we co-taught workshops with moms and teenage daughters together to improve communication. You can find her amazing work with women at www.melissarisdon.com.
Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
