Certain words have a tendency to “poison” communication. They can turn conversations into arguments and escalate emotions to unmanageable levels.Poison words are often used when people are angry or frustrated and they can cause people to lose their tempers or become defensive.
You should try to avoid using these words and phrases during negotiations.
(These words should be used with caution in any setting, because they tend to generate a reaction that is emotional and often destructive to good communication
Commands Exaggerations
You should… Always…
You shouldn’t… Never…
You’d better… Constantly…
You ought to… Forever…
You’re supposed to.. Everybody…
You can’t… Nobody…
You will… Every time…
All the time…
Comparisons Questioning
You’re just like… Why?
That’s like… (Try to use
_____ wouldn’t “Could you explain” or
That’s not the way _____ would… “Help me understand”)
Ignoring Other poisons
That is irrelevant. Shaming
Don’t bother… Name-calling
Whatever… Threatening
Blaming
Assuming
Using “but” which “erases” the first part of your statement.
This list was co-created with Melissa Risdon when we co-taught workshops with moms and teenage daughters together to improve communication. You can find her amazing work with women at www.melissarisdon.com.
Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula.
