Do you have a pretty good relationship with your kids? If you counted the amount of time that feels good and connected versus the amount of time that feels stressful and disconnected how would the scale look?
Would it be balanced or more time spent feeling stressed out, on eggshells, or in outright conflict?
The problem with conflict is that even when you aren’t in direct conflict, you could be worried and waiting for it to erupt at any time. I’ve heard this story from many parents. One example is that they are afraid to set limits on electronics because their kids will have a meltdown. So, they stay silent and feel bad because they aren’t acting as they know they should.
Trying to avoid conflict (thus suffering) is almost as painful as engaging in the actual conflict. Both are heavy feelings for parents to experience on a daily basis.
So, when you take into account the amount of time you are worried or stressed out about how your kids may act, does this tip the scale towards more conflictual emotions rather than pleasant emotions? Could your interactions be happier?
Going back to the example of the parent who didn’t know how to set limits on electronics effectively. Imagine all the hours of daily stressful feelings that would be eliminated if the parent knew how to clearly and respectfully set limits that were followed!!
The great part about learning the missing strategy in your parenting toolbox is that the skill can usually be used for a variety of conflictual situations. Thus, your life becomes happier as does your entire family’s.
Your family interactions don’t have to be horrible before taking action. If you rate the interactions as “ok”, I’d encourage you to go for “good” or even “great.” Why not?
Here’s an experience of a couple where the dad was having more conflict with his daughter than he wanted to have. He and his daughter had many loving times together yet he wanted it to be better with less arguing. The couple also didn’t agree on their parenting approach which caused their own conflict. They reached out to me for guidance.
Here is their story.
Marc and Bethany: How private parent coaching with Cynthia gave us a united and improved approach to parenting that has created greater cooperation in our family. Our story.
Marc: When we started with Cynthia, I wanted to improve my relationship with my daughter because we were having too many adversarial interactions. I asked about using time-outs when she was having a meltdown to control her. My wife and I disagreed on using this tactic. I also tended to give up and leave my daughter when I couldn’t stop her big upsets. My wife saw my relationship with my daughter as too conflictual. I didn’t know what needed to change.
Bethany: When we started with Cynthia, Marc and I had opposite viewpoints on limit setting. He thought I was too lenient, and I saw him as coming in too stern when I was having a challenge with our daughter. I wanted us to be on the same page in our parenting approach. I didn’t see what I needed to change.
3 months later…..
Marc: I had been working on self-reflection before working with Cynthia, so I was ready to examine my approach. I learned that I was trying to control my daughter, often using shame as my father had with me. I learned that instead of controlling her, I needed to learn how to be empathetic with what she was experiencing. In the past, when I would use time-outs, I was thinking about my own frustrations with her as an adversary.
Cynthia was very supportive and non-judgmental as she explained the changes I needed to make. She was very clear and gave specific examples of what to say to my daughter so I could follow them. I saw immediately that her advice was right.
She encouraged me to get more connected to my daughter. I no longer get frustrated and give up on my daughter. Instead, we take walks together several times a week to talk and connect. I am more engaged now and collaborate to solve our challenges. Instead of feeling anxious, I feel more confident about having the parenting skills to create the supportive and loving relationship that I want. I don’t feel left out as a dad as I had before. I realized that I didn’t need to manipulate her by making her feel bad with time-outs.
Bethany: It feels really good that he’s taking an active role in developing his relationship with our daughter. I am with our daughter most of the time, so I was having more conflicts than Marc. I have studied parenting and am a former therapist, so I felt fairly skilled. However, I didn’t know why with all the strategies I knew, she was still having big meltdowns.
Through Cynthia listening to and analyzing how I was responding to my daughter, she remarked that I was defending myself. The result was that my daughter felt that her feelings didn’t matter, which caused her to get even more angry. I had no idea I was doing this.
Cynthia’s wisdom has taught me how to respond in a way that has drastically reduced her upsets and given me confidence in what to say and do.
We’ve seen what other groups and people charge. And so, we think that you’re very generous with your pricing and I would recommend you to other parents in a heartbeat. I am so appreciative of what we have learned from Cynthia, and we highly recommend her as a fantastic parenting coach.
Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much-needed changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.
Check out my bonus parenting classes on getting kids to listen, be respectful, cooperate, and share their struggles plus more. CLICK HERE.
Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.