In my teen webinar series, week 1, we discussed how we need to shift our inflexible thinking to flexible thinking in order to be able to problem solve together with kids.
When we stay stuck, then the wall goes up between us and our kids. No solutions can be found. It is up to parents to make the shift.
Here are some examples of how to shift inflexible to flexible thinking.
Inflexible Thinking Statements
Flexible Thinking Statements
|You’re doing this to annoy me.||Maybe I need to stop and listen closely.|
|You’re trying to drive me crazy.||He isn’t really trying to do this to me. He is just trying to cope.|
|You’re taking advantage of me.||Have I been clear on my own boundaries and acted accordingly?|
|You never listen.||I need to speak in a way so I will feel heard and get a respectful response.|
|How dare you talk to me that way.||What’s going on behind those hurtful words?|
|This is manipulation.||I have control of what I say or do.|
|You’re getting out of control.||I need to change my approach.|
Rather than trying to change our kids, change ourselves first. This is where the real power lies. Are you willing to be the one to change?
It’s also very important to learn how to Listen to Emotions without Discounting Feelings. Read how.
2017 update: Cynthia Klein has published her book, Ally Parenting: A Non-Adversarial Approach to Transform Conflict Into Cooperation.
©2013 Cynthia Klein has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with dads, moms and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She wrote the Middle School Mom column for the magazine Parenting on the Peninsula. Contact Cynthia at bridges 2 understanding, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com or call 650. 679.8138