Have you noticed that sometimes you can have a hard time feeling grateful that you have children? I ran into a former client at the local symphony and I asked how his 3 children who were such a challenge are doing now. “The youngest one, who is now a junior in high school is doing much better with his anger management,” he told me. He admitted that for several years he wondered why he had three children because it was so hard raising them as he was going through a divorce.
Please don’t feel guilty if you also feel a lack of appreciation at times because their “negative” behaviors cause you so much suffering. You have expectations that everyone will work together in the family respectfully and lovingly. Don’t your children want this too? Why then are they “difficult” too often for your comfort? If they would just do what you asked them to do!
Their challenging behavior starts with their immature brain. Their “bad” behavior is not who they are. Be mindful to not label them negatively. Labeling often starts with, “You are so…… lazy, stubborn, unhelpful, inconsiderate…” They will feel your dislike for them and possibly try to hurt you back.
To help you feel grateful during challenging times, remind yourself that your child’s value is separate from what they do. In addition, start to ask yourself, “How do I contribute to this unhelpful behavior and how can I guide my children towards more helpful behavior? This shifts the problem from being all their fault to partially yours and that’s the only way you can make positive changes.
There is hope for a brighter future because when you gain a new awareness by answering these questions plus finding new solutions, you can turn your inappreciative viewpoint into one of great appreciation. Just think! Your children are giving you many opportunities for your personal growth. You would not be self-reflecting and growing as you are without them pushing you to your limits. .
I am here to support you in your growth. Please know that if you want to create a different home environment than what you had growing up, then you need to learn different parenting skills. You can’t do what you learned as a child and expect a different outcome. If you get stuck thinking, “I should know how to parent”, and refuse to get help, then you will stay stuck where you are. It’s that simple. It’s only when you change that your children will change. You can’t force them into being what you want; you can only influence them.
Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.
Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much need changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.
Copyright 2022 Cynthia Klein.
