Raising kids is so challenging because we are emotional beings at our core. Our children’s words and actions can easily trigger our childhood memories so quickly that we react emotionally rather than logically. Our parent-child interactions may trigger feeling hurt, rejected, ignored, disrespected, etc. as a child, so we lash out as if we were a child.
We also have adult expectations of how our children should treat us. You don’t want to feel hurt, disrespected, ignored, or rejected so any action your child does that triggers these feelings is not allowed.
In the past, it was taught that parents should yell, shame, hit, humiliate, threaten, shun, and disown children along with other adversarial parenting strategies, to get kids to obey so they would turn out “good”. No wonder you struggle so much and act out in ways you don’t feel good about.
Luckily, parenting is in a big transition of moving away from this style that ignores the emotional needs of children and parents. Our world is not a happy place and I believe much of it is because parents are taught to treat their children as an adversary rather than an ally.
So, these old traditions keep spurting up. Even though I have worked hard to raise my daughter into a flourishing adult, I can easily recite many negative ways I could have responded to her uncooperative and irresponsible behaviors, instead if I wanted to. I worked hard studying from parenting experts how to change my “natural” tendency of trying to gain control over her with no regard for her feelings which was how I was raised.
So, please be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can with the knowledge you currently have. That’s all. I also encourage you to not feel embarrassed or guilty to share how you are thinking and acting. When you share honestly, you will receive the exact information you need for you to change and create a more harmonious family. I have no judgment toward parents. My daughter did many things as a teenager that I couldn’t control.
I learned that the basic element of family happiness was the ability to create a home of total acceptance. That’s what you’ll experience when you talk with me. No judgment and total acceptance.
Parents tell me what they learned and gained from working with me privately. To give you context for the testimonials below, these parents often fought with their teenager who then shut them out to their worry and dismay. They learned what their emotional triggers were and how to respond more effectively so the negative cycles would end. I am so proud of the amazing changes they created in just three short months of working together with me and applying the individualized solutions I offered for their specific challenges.
Here are the wonderful changes they are experiencing now.
Andrea:
I believe my child has a lot more dialogue with me, now. She is unusually vulnerable and shared her insights about a decision she needed to make. Before working with you, I would have commented on what she said in a way that often lead to her shutting down even more. With my new skills, instead, I just listened and acknowledged her. I’m also learning to be mindful of my energy and not act like I have a checklist. Instead, I’m more playful when giving directions and it’s working better. I’m also not taking what she does so personally.
Paul:
I’ve learned that by leading with empathetic listening, even more so than avoiding communication blocks, she will open up more and talk about things. I’m learning how to give directions more clearly without asking which I learned makes the girls think it’s a choice so they can say “No”. Because of these additional tools, situations feel a lot less out of control than before. We’re learning about her patterns and we’re not reacting as much. I’ve also become aware of my tendency to be a know-it-all and give advice that has not been well received. I’m even able to catch myself after and have apologized for giving advice.
Would you like to experience your own wonderful changes that make everyone in your family happier, too? You can! Take the first step by either attending one of my classes or setting up a complementary Fast-Track Clarity Session. My mission is to help you create greater peace in your home.
Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity to download “The 7 Most Common Phrases Parents Say That Stop Kids From Listening”! You’ll also receive my weekly emails where you will learn how to transform annoying conflict into loving cooperation in your home.
Cynthia is available for private coaching sessions so you can quickly get the answers you need and make those much need changes right away. Click HERE for a complimentary 45-minute Fast-Track Clarity Session to learn what you can do now to create more harmony in your home.
Copyright 2022 Cynthia Klein.
