It is so easy to blame our children when we don’t like their actions. The “problem behavior” can develop into the “problem child.” As soon as you label your child as a problem, you have hit a deadlock. With this perspective, your thinking becomes inflexible and chances of finding solutions are slim. The focus becomes, “How to I change this problem child?” At this point, you no longer take responsibility for your part of the problem. You have placed control outside of yourself and therefore change is very difficult.
In a recent In-Home Coaching session, I observed this labeling. I realized that the child with the challenging behavior was the “canary in the mine.” Looking at the child as an indicator of family problems to be solved, returns the power and possibility for change back to the parents. The parents now no longer have to feel stuck and powerless because they will focus on changing themselves rather than the child. How wonderful.
The mother is first changing her own behavior and already seeing positive changes in her daughter’s behavior. By shifting from an inflexible to flexible perspective, the parents’ minds are open to creatively solving the problem. Because of their “difficult” daughter, the entire family has the opportunity to grow and become happier. Let’s appreciate our challenging children.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
