Parents need to set rules and guidelines.
Many kids resist feeling controlled and even if they want to help, they won’t maybe because they don’t like being told what to do or they are mad at you from a previous event. In the article, Boundaries and Rules or Limits are Different, I share how to state your personal boundary of what you will or will not do. Below are examples of trying to control your child rather than yourself.
Here are examples stated in a rule format where the parent is trying to control the child’s behavior.
1. “I wish you had told me earlier that you need a ride. Now dinner will be late.”
2. “Clean up the kitchen now.”
3. “Don’t talk to me in that rude tone.”
4. “If you had gotten ready earlier, we would have had time to play a game.”
5. “How can you expect me to pay $70 for shoes?”
Non-boundary responses usually blame the child and feel hurtful, which leads to a revenge cycle of the child hurting you back.
This is followed by an out-of-control power struggle. Using personal boundary setting statements ensures that your needs are respected and you feel appreciated.
It can be very hard to set a boundary that denies or delays your child’s wants and needs.
As you change to boundary setting, there will be some push back from your children because they are used to you putting your needs second.Some may have a full-blown tantrum to try and still get what they want.
Knowing how to balance whose needs are being met can be tricky. Do you feel this uncertainty at times?
As soon as you feel unappreciated for what you have done for your kids, start putting yourself first more often with boundary setting.
Here is an informative website called Fatherhood. Check it out.
Copyright 2015, Cynthia Klein, bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, Certified Parenting Educator, 650.679.8138