Posted by cynthia on May 26, 2016 in Parenting with Emotional Intelligence
I’m a mom of an 11-year-old girl. Because of parenting challenges, I came to Cynthia for private parenting help to learn how to reduce my daughter’s jealousy of family members, to understand each other better, and to eliminate rude interactions. Even though, this is a lot to change, I was determined to learn what to do differently.
I consider my daughter strong-willed which means that she won’t talk to me when she is mad and she can be rude. I expected to learn how to make her more respectful. Instead, I’m learning what I need to think and do differently so she’ll feel more loved and less jealous and rude.
A key change Cynthia taught me was the importance of spending 20 minutes a day with my daughter doing whatever she wants as long as it is safe and not video games. During this special play time, I set the timer and she is in charge while my “job” is to enjoy her and to create laughter together. No cell phones or other interruptions by anyone.
A relationship skill I am also working on is how to respond with empathy to her thoughts and emotions so she feels valued. My tendency is to give advice and try to fix her problems instead of listening to her. So, the key ingredients to improving our relationship are listening with empathy and having fun together.
Since one week of spending special time with her, I’ve witnessed amazing changes. She no longer says with jealousy, “you love them more than me. You never spend time with me.” Instead she asks, when are the children she was jealous of coming over so she can play with them. Her jealous feelings have melted away.
Also, when I have to leave for work, instead of complaining she says, “Okay, see you when you get back.” Her tone of voice is much kinder with me, her sister, and even her dad who also spends special time with her. She looks forward to thinking of what to do together.
Being coached by Cynthia taught me that being too busy to spend undivided play time with my daughter caused her to feel ignored and unimportant. Now, I’m enjoying having fun time together and so is she. Instead of her underlying resentment of feeling ignored that caused her to be argumentative and uncooperative, she now feels loved and important. My actions of love speak louder than my words of love.
Because of my changes, she is now loving and cooperative with everyone around her. This turn around is just what I wanted. I can’t wait to see what other great improvements develop in our relationship. Thank you Cynthia
Mother of two grown children and an 11 year-old girl.
Learn what this mom learned by reading these articles:
Go to Hand in Hand Parenting to get Patty Wipler’s Book on Special Time.
©2016 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Family Success Coach since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. She works with parents of 4 – 25 year-old children.
To learn how Cynthia can help you solve your specific challenges, contact Cynthia at www.bridges2understanding.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, or 650. 679.8138 to have a complementary 45-minute discovery session. Why keep suffering? It’s time to change!