Reacting to parenting challenges in the moment without a long rang perspective is ineffective in making permanent changes.
There is a good chance that the problem will resurface again and again. Reactive parenting often feels like punishment rather than truly being discipline.
Discipline is the process of teaching children in a more positive manner rather than making kids feel bad which is more of a punishment strategy.
Punishment can be strategies such as taking things away, giving punitive time-outs, pulling your love away by ignoring, and yelling with shaming or humiliating language.
Instead, try these effective long term discipline strategies:
| Effective Long Term Discipline Strategies Strengthen rather than weaken by teaching them problem solving skills, let them face their mistakes and use them as an opportunity to grow, share how their actions affect others, and love them unconditionally.
Have agreed upon deadlines. Negotiate rules, make exceptions. Give more freedoms with age. Rather than giving consequences, find solutions together by coming to consensus. Explore goals of child’s behavior. Have child address your fears. Have faith in child’s problem solving abilities. Deal with the belief behind the behavior. Learn to listen so your child will share their thoughts and beliefs even if they know you won’t agree with them. This takes major trust and unconditional love.
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Read 8 Ways Parents Maintain a Sense of Connection with Kids to learn about effective long term discipline. |
I value Alfie Kohn’s approach to parenting and education. Check out his books including Unconditional Parenting.
©2015 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking and private parenting coaching sessions. She writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. She works with parents of 4 – 25 year-old children. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 679.8138 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with your children.
