I believe the most important step for parents to take is to understand what they are saying that is shutting down their children from talking.The reason I say this is because understanding what not to say and then what to say instead, has made the biggest impact in my ability to create loving relationships in my life. These are not only with my daughter; they are also with my husband and friends.
Every parent I talk with that is having a hard time getting through to their kids come to realize that they are responding in ways that feels hurtful to their kids. Here are five communication blocks that are often overlooked. Yelling, threatening, and shaming are always blocks. Check out other blocks on listening to see how to respond instead to keep the conversation open.
Step 1: Stop Blocking
A communication block is any remark or attitude on the part of the listener that injures the speaker’s self-esteem enough to break communication.
Communication blocks include: commanding, giving advice, placating, interrogating, distracting, psychologizing, sarcasm, moralizing, being a know-it-all, me-tooism, yelling.
Communication Blocks Practice: Alternate role playing the adult and the child. Feel and describe the emotional impact of each adult response. ü which ones you tend to do.?
Giving advice
Child: “I hate math homework. My teacher gives way too much.”
Adult: “You should do some when you first get home then you won’t have a problem.”
The underlying message that feels hurtful: “I know more about you than you do.”
Interrogating
Child: “I don’t like my stupid teacher. She’s mean to me.”
Adult: “What did you do to make him yell? You must have done something wrong.”
The underlying message that feels hurtful: “You must have messed up somewhere.”
Commanding
Child: “I just can’t do this. It’s too hard.”
Adult: “Stop complaining. I know you can do it.”
The underlying message that feels hurtful: “You don’t have the right to decide how to handle your own problems.”
Placating
Child: “My best friend can’t come to my party. He’s no friend of mine.”
Adult: “Honey, it will be okay. You’ll have fun with all your other friends.”
The underlying message that feels hurtful: “You don’t have a right to your feelings; you can’t handle discomfort (and neither can I).”
Me-Tooism
Child: “I don’t understand why friends just turn on me. What did I do?”
Adult: “I had that happen to me when I was your age and I felt horrible.”
The underlying message that feels hurtful: “It’s more important, (or I’m more comfortable), for me to talk about myself rather than you right now.” (Barbara Whiteside’s block. www.whitesideworkshops com)
Which ones do you do?
©2013 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understanding.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 341.0779 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with children from ages 4 – 24.
Copyright © 2026, Cynthia Klein, All rights reserved. Please contact Cynthia to use any of her blog post.
About Cynthia Klein
Cynthia Klein’s mission is to contribute to World Peace and building healthy family relationships is the place to begin. As a parenting expert for over 30 years, parents have learned from Cynthia how to communicate more effectively as an ally rather than an adversary. Her unique Family Harmony System teaches parents of 5 and older how to have open dialogue, solve problems together, support one another, and build mutual respect. Cynthia is the author of Ally Parenting and the video-based self-paced program Win, Win, Win, Parenting. She has presented over 700 talks and coached hundreds of parents privately towards greater family connection and harmony. To learn more about her services of coaching and speaking, contact Cynthia Klein at , visit her website at bridges2understanding.com.
