The Strong-Willed Child
Common beliefs about self and others
- I can be a powerful, magnanimous leader OR I can control and intimidate others.
- I deserve to be treated fairly and justly.
- I believe that my thoughts and feelings are as important as yours.
- I may need to push loudly to be heard because I fear that my needs will be ignored.
- I will insist on having power over my life.
- I may not be comfortable being gentle or giving, for these attitudes seem “soft” or ‘weak” to me.
- I may protect my feelings and grow up quickly.
- The more I feel rejected, betrayed or in pain the more I put up my guard.
- I may make it hard for you to show me warmth and love because I may not respond in kind. (Even though I need your love and feel love myself.)
- Just because you are my parent doesn’t mean you are right or that you can treat me disrespectfully.
- My tendency is to be more interested in getting what I want first before you get what you want.
- You can help me learn to compromise by listening openly to my thoughts and feelings and then asking me gently to listen to yours and then come to solutions together.
- I respond well to honesty, straightforwardness and trust.
- I do not respond well to threats, use of force or any other method of control. I will probably stand up for myself by rebelling against you..
- I respect clear and strong parenting as long as there is also strong love and fairness.
- I may have a hard time asking for support or help because I’m afraid I’ll lose my autonomy.
- I am happiest when you allow me to be independent.
- I may be very territorial about my things. I don’t want anyone to touch them. This helps me feel safe.
- I may be stubborn, impassive and quietly menacing.
- When I lose my temper, the explosion comes suddenly, violently and then it is gone.
©2013 Cynthia Klein, Bridges 2 Understanding, has been a Certified Parent Educator since 1994. She works with parents and organizations who want more cooperation, mutual respect and understanding between adults and children of all ages. Cynthia presents her expertise through speaking, webinars, and private parent coaching sessions. She is a member of the National Speakers Association and writes the Middle School Mom column for the Parenting on the Peninsula magazine. Contact Cynthia at bridges2understa.wpstagecoach.com, cynthia@bridges2understanding,com, or 650. 341.0779 to learn more about creating the relationship you want with your children.